human (sharkbite) wrote,

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Unhealthy Obsession with Health

So. The fact that I'm a scantily clad dancer in our Lady Gaga raver rendition of Twelfth Night is poisoning me. I've become obsessed with my body. I'm addicted to exercise and obsessively count my calories. I was cheerful today until I remembered that I forgot to calculate my Chex Mix snack and went 194 calories (and 45 grams of carbohydrates) over my recommended daily intake for weight loss. My depression over this fact is RIDICULOUS considering even with going over, the calculator still estimates that a diet of that every day would put me at 3lbs less than I weigh now in about 5 weeks.

My costume is more or less a beaded bra and a strip of elastic with sequins on it. We are on a thrust stage which means everyone is about to be very very close to my scantily clad body.

For the record, everything they say about the "entertainment" business having ridiculous expectations of the female body is true.

I know what you're thinking. Why don't I just stop? I can't. Because every time I try and think of eating whatever I want and not counting the calories I take in/burn I think about my costume and the fact that I have to wear it in less than a month in front of hundreds of people (over the course of two weeks).

It doesn't help that my phone is dead and I haven't been able to talk to Josh. He is supposed to come over tomorrow to return it to me and I am slowly driving myself insane.

I am slowly driving myself insane.

...okay, maybe not that slowly.
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I remember one of the actors at my college had to do a scene in nothing but super small underwear so he worked out extensively every day for nearly six months. He had some more leeway than you I think, since he was a guy so he could get away with having more... whatever.

Not to sound like a boring old grandpa, but don't give away your ability to control your body. If you want to modify it, I guess that's ok, but really examine why or for whom you're doing it. The guy I knew seemed to manage a bit better because he worked out a lot instead of barely eating, so maybe try an exercise-heavy approach instead (but those do tend to increase appetite so no promises that it'll reduce pain!). Just, be careful, scrappy.
I think my problem is that I have this whole "mind over matter" mentality about it which, while helping my body, is increasing the strain on my ability to focus on other things. I keep track of my calories nigh religiously not only to make sure I don't eat too much but also to make sure I don't under eat with my increased exercise.